My perfect life

I have been considering different strategies for how to achieve a perfect life and I think I have finally found the right approach. The idea is bold and risky and it will require that I remain focused throughout the process. But the eventual reward is absolutely worth it. If I succeed, my life will be perfect.

First I need to fix the wall between the dining room and the living room. The other day I noticed a small 2x2 centimeter crack in the plastering near the floor. When I am in the living room I cannot take my eyes off the crack. It annoys me and it needs to be fixed. I guess I have to find a bricklayer for that.

The plastering on the outer wall facing our garden needs to be fixed as well. I hadn’t realised that the ventilation tube from the dryer had fallen off so the damp air was pumping directly on to the wall and apparently softened the outside plastering. There are more problems about the outer wall: The window was replaced a few years ago and, since then, the wall hasn’t been painted. It is an absolute mess.

Something needs to be done about the garden because the plants won’t stop growing. I am so relieved every time someone cuts the grass but, then, a week later I start to worry that it won’t be cut ever again. To be honest, my stress level is proportional to the length of the grass. And the plant beds needs to be kept all the time. Our house agreement is that my wife deals with the plants and I am in charge of cutting the grass. So I hired someone to cut the grass. Then, when he quit, my wife said that she didn’t mind cutting the grass. Today I graciously announced to my wife that I will be doing the edges with a grass edger from now on. I feel really good about that. My wife assures me that the garden maintenance system is fully operational. I am not so sure. I really don’t care about gardens or plants at all. But I have a feeling that lawns and plant beds are supposed to be kept in perfect order. Since I don’t really known what that actually means or how to determine whether or not the garden actually is in perfect order, I end up worrying about the plant chaos that we will soon find ourselves in. And then my life is not so perfect anymore.  

And I need to figure out a way to keep our fridge fully stored with everything I might need. The problem with food storage is that it tends to get reduced as soon as you make use of it. And I sometimes forget to note down on our shopping list app that we share on our iPhones that I have emptied the cereal box or eaten all the bananas. Then, a few hours later, I want to have a cup of coffee and realise that no one noticed that I also emptied the box with Nescafé espresso. Maybe there is an internet service that makes sure that your fridge is kept fully stored at all times. I have to check that out.

When I have figured out a way of resolving those problems then my life will be perfect and I won’t have to worry about anything ever again. Oh! I forgot: Cleaning. Our teenage son cleans the house but I worry what will happen when he moves out in 3-4 years. So I should probably start looking for a cleaning lady. 

My dreams disappoint me

My father was an alcoholic