I was recently six months in New York doing research among stand-up comedians. During that time, I was only at one really huge party. And, as far as I remember, it was the only time during those six months that I was really drunk. Here is a diary entry about that night:
“I went to see XX at a club or bar in Flatbush. I was a bit nervous so I drank almost a bottle of wine before going there. I wasn't sure how the night would go and didn't want to feel awkward. I came quite late to the bar and already by then XX had texted me couple of times asking when I would come. He said that XX was dying to meet me. I met XX outside the bar and we went inside where XX and XX were having dinner. XX introduced us and we started to talk immediately. I talked mostly with XX who was a really nice guy! At one point he gave me a hug because i said that I couldn't figure out my own life. He had been living in Boston, LA and now NY. I really liked his vibe. But I can't remember that much of the conversation because I was already quite drunk. I talked to them about my book - I think they like the idea. XX said that he would like to come to Denmark. I actually really would like to talk more with him. Seemed a bit drunk. Talk slow and w lots of pauses. XX was apparently just a comedy fan who XX knew – it was his birthday. XX and I took at taxi to the bar where XX was having his birthday. He was upstairs. Everybody were hanging out outside in a courtyard. Lots of comedians. I got a beer quite quickly from a guy who is also doing the p.c. show in Williamsburg on Sundays. Later I also talked to the white guy who is one of the hosts. I mentioned his joke about the n-word but I cant remember much of the conversation. I met w XX initially. He said he was really hammered – was clearly visible. And then I didn’t see much of him later in the night. XX was really sweet and introduced me to a lot of people. The guy who is part of the XX show and several others. I really feel bad about having been so drunk that I cant really remember who I talked to. I also talked to the researcher – I think that he was initially interested but then I wasn’t capable of making a coherent conversation, I think. Problem is that I might be over-thinking the problem and maybe I wasn’t so insanely drunk as I make it out to be. But when I got home I stumbled over the bed”.
And here is a note from the following day:
“Was at home most of the day feeling really shitty after yesterday. So hungover and stuffed w guilt for no reason at all”.
I had forgotten about that night. There was really no reason at all for me to feel guilty about anything. Everybody was insanely drunk. The vibe was great and the people that I met seemed to like me. But it was apparently not the feeling that I was left with the following day.