The annoying thing about psychologists is that they provoke you to think about yourself in ways that you might not have done otherwise. Since I saw my psychologist a few days ago I have thought a lot about why it is that I do this blog. She thinks that it is a kind of self-punishment. A way for me to seek obsolution for having lost control. Even though the controlling side of me (what she very flatteringly called ‘the accountant’) is something I have created in order to continue reproducing the version of myself that I think everybody else wants. She thinks that the ‘real’ me wants much more chaos and anarchy. I don’t know about that.
But I do know that I think that she is partly right about the reason for doing the blog. I do it to keep focus and to learn more about myself. And to regain control of my own self-image.
So I have decided to continue writing the blog posts but only for myself. I will write one blog post every day as planned, which will be uploaded to the website. But I won’t publish them for everybody else to see. I need to think more about all these things. About my own sense of myself. And why I decided to do the blog. But only for myself.